Iyar 5766 – Mid 20’s & Single – HELP?!

5 Iyar 5766
Mid 20’s & Single- HELP?!

Dear Chana,
Thank you so much for your articles; they really give me chizuk.
I am 22 and have been dating for about 3.5 years now. I am beginning to feel so frustrated. All my close friends are married and all they tell me is “don’t worry you’re an amazing girl and you’re going to get a great guy real soon” But all this “chizuk” they try to give us or anyone tries to give singles really doesn’t help or make us feel better. I try not to think about being single and I just fill my time with busy things but on weekends and nights when my close friends are with their husbands it gets so lonely. I feel like I hide a lot of my loneliness and frustrations but it’s coming to a point that I just don’t know what to do. Baruch Hashem I come from a good frum home but even my parents don’t know where to turn anymore. Do you have any advice for what I should do? I feel like I networked so much already and there’s nothing left for me to do. Please help!

Still Single


Dear Jemsem Reader,

It seems like you have really been having a rough time. Dating for awhile can really be a drain on a person. I know that as happy as you are for your friends, it is hard for you to see them in this next stage, and as you said, at times it is lonely.

Firstly, I want you to appreciate the fact that you have friends that care about you, wish you well, and are probably davening for you. To have friends, and in your case, family as well, who are a support system for you is a real gift. One to cherish and not be taken lightly.

Secondly, let’s try to put things in perspective. Though you have dated for a few years, I wouldn’t throw in the towel just yet. This is a great chance to work on attitude together with Emunah. Let’s take a lesson from a wonderful conversation I had with a former student several years back. This student was about 26 at the time and had been dating for a long while. She called me one day and her opening line was,” I just had the most amazing thought! HASHEM CAN DO ANYTHING! ” Now this girl wasn’t a new Ba’alas T’shuva from that morning, she was a young woman who had been frum for a long time and I might add, a fantastically balanced person. So what did she mean? What she was saying was that she had come to a deeper recognition of Hashem and His abilities. What she went on to say was that right then she did not know of her bashert, but in 2 hours or the next day, perhaps someone would call with THE NAME, and within the next few days she would actually meet him!! The Yeshuos Hashem K’heref Ayin ideal! Through her difficulties, she had internalized this concept and felt a more profound and enhanced relationship with Hashem. And that IS the idea. Each day can be a new entity, laden with freshness and new posibilities, it is all how we look at it. It’s up to us how we see it. Hashem really can do anything- and things can shift right before our eyes. It wasn’t the next day that she got the call, I think it was about a year or so later, but now she is married, with her 3rd child expected to make its arrival within the next few weeks!

Thirdly, you mention that you are keeping busy and that is a terrific and important thing! To be busy with good and meaningful activities and chasadim, to be accomplishing and acheiving and living each day fully and appreciating the present, well, yes, single girls can do that, and very well, I might add!

Fourthly, though you say you have networked, keep it up. Be on the look out for yet another shadchan or someone who dapples in shidduchim. Perhaps at the next Simcha that you attend you’ll meet up with someone who has a great idea for you. You just never know through which shaliach your shidduch is coming.

Fifthly, DAVEN. Use this important time to work on your T’fillah. Really understand what you are saying. Deepen it. Cry out to Hashem, He’s listening, you know. Honest earnest words of prayer affect everything. Use this gift.

Nothing left for you to do!!! You just may not have enough time to really get rolling with all of this before he waltzes into your life!

With Warmest Wishes,

P.S. Speaking of T’fillah, The Legacy summer tour that Rabbi Nissel and I will be leading will afford you the amazing opportunity to daven at the kevoros of many holy Tzaddikim.
This is an excerpt of someones account to one of the many places we will be going.

“We arrived in the city of MIchalstadt famous primarily for the tzaddik who grew up famous there. Harav Yitzchok Aryeh Wormser, known as the Baal Shem of Michalstadt. The Baal Shem was born in 5528 [1768] and was a descendent of Harav Eliyahu Loantz, known as the Baal Shem of Wormser, The first Ashenazi Baal Shem.

We went to the cemetary to visit his grave, for he had an established reputation for bringing yeshuos and praying for Am Yisroel. Many heartfelt prayers were sent up to the Heavens with tears dripping onto our siddurim. We left the grave murmuring ‘ Ovinu Malkeinu, P’sach Shaarei Shomayim L’tifillosainu’. As we were still drying away the tears, I added quietly, ‘ Tehei Hasha’ah Hazos She’as Rachamim Ve’eis Rotzon Melifonecha’.”

For more info, contact: