15 Teves 5766
Coming Down from the Clouds
I’ve been back from seminary for 3 years and counting and for the most part I am still on the same high I left seminary, with a few minor changes here and there. To my friends I’m still up there and have yet to come down, something I try very hard to keep up with. However, I’m finding that at times I push myself to stay shtark and keep that seminary inspiration with me,and at other times, I look at all my friends who have already come down from the clouds, getting married. They are all g’shmack, frum girls, they just have come off the boat and settled in America. My question is, is it possible that one has to come down from the clouds in order to find their bashert? Should I be taking a deep breath and relaxing a bit, letting go some of my shtarkness? No, I’m not a tzadeikes or a great, amazing girl, but I’m still holding where I left seminary, and I look around and wonder, why am I the only one here, and still not married. Are they connected, or is it as simple as just not the right time yet? Thank you for this amazing website and opportunity for girls back from seminary. We appreciate all the time and effort you put into answering our questions.
Name and Seminary Withheld upon request
Dear JemSem Reader,
I hear your quandary And I feel for you. It is hard for me to objectively answer your question because I don’t know exactly how you are using the term of ‘shtarkness’ or what it means that your friends have ‘come off the boat and settled in America’. However, what I do know is the more of a relationship you have and build with Hashem, the more Siyata Dishmaya you are zocheh to.
What I can do is to give you some guidelines for how things should be and you can see how this fits in with your current life.You should be surrounding yourself with the right people and the right environment. People who are growing and striving in their Avodas Hashem, who will admire you for your earnestness with mitvos and not make fun or belittle you. People that you feel comfortable discussing hashkafa with. You should be going to shiurim that you really like that have topics that are interesting to you. You should be learning things on your own and with others. Always be in the middle of a great English Judaica book and listen to Torah tapes often. Constantly be working on your T’fillah, for it’s koach is inestimable. The idea is to keep your headspace and your actions very much in line with what you learned in seminary. Chesed is a really important thing to be involved in. It’s very inspiring to give of yourself and it helps you to be a role model to others, which helps you keep growing. You need to make sure that you have a Rav for halachic questions that come up and either a Rav or teacher/ Rebbitzen person to speak things over with concering life and general eitzas. You should still be within the vicinity of most of those geddorim that you may have set for yourself upon leaving seminary. Places where you’re not going and things that you’re not doing because it is beneath who you are trying to be. In general to be striving and growing in both Mitzvos Bein Adam L’chaveiro and Bein Adam L’mokom. All of the above is true for anyone, anywhere. Being an Eved Hashem is what it is all about.
There’s a beautiful idea that the Yalkut Shimoni brings down concerning B’nos Tzelofchod. In the midbor, much of Klal Yisroel was pining to go back to Mitzayim ‘where they had it so good’. Here, you have five astonishing women who have no more male relatives left through which to aquire a portion of land in Eretz Yisroel, who are screaming at Moshe “Tinu Lanu Achuzah!!!” The Yalkut Shimoni says that the worth of a persons’ deeds are judged under what conditions they are done in. So the nation is shouting to go back to Mitzrayim and these fabulous girls are bucking the vast crowd and showing their firm desire to be in and own land in the G-d given place they are headed for. The Yalkut goes on to say that if you strive higher than those around you even though it may involve alot of stamina and difficulty, you can get the reward of the whole generation.This is a tremendous chizuk! So if you can stand up for yourself and not be drawn into the sickening pull of society at large, you are “Zocheh Litol Sechar Kulam”.
Haba L’taheir M’sayin Oso. You just keep doing your part and Hashem will work things out the way they are supposed to be. Things should be for you B’hatzlacha and B’zman Karov!
With Warmest Wishes,