Sixty Minutes to Serenity

Av 5771 – Sixty Minutes to Serenity


Sixty Minutes to Serenity Av 5771
Sixty Minutes to Serenity
by Rabbi Yisroel Roll


The appreciation of one’s Tzelem Elokim “self” leads to an holistic wholeness and inner tranquility. This is known as your “neshama state”. This is your state of homestasis-a state of equilibrium and inner contentment. I call it the neshama state because it is the state of being which is aligned with Hashem. When in this state you are put in the state of “being” that Hashem intended for you as your Godly state because, while in this state, you are feeling connected to Hashem. This is a state of “daas”-knowledge of God-rather than merely belief in G-d. In this state you are experiencing Hashem-you are experiencing your own Tzelem Elokim. This is your closest connection to Hashem- and you feel relaxed, calm, at peace. You feel a sense of shleimus-wholeness-in this state everything is clear-you can do anything.

You can put yourself into your Neshama State by experiencing your finest Godly midah-attribute. You can access this state by first imagining a beautiful landscape or place that you find relaxing and rejuvenating. It may be the Grand Canyon, the beach or a sunset in Israel. Go to that place in your mind and describe the landscape to yourself with all its colors, sounds and scents. Feel the place. Experience the sense of calm and relaxation that you feel in this place. Now, realize that the reason you have this feeling of calm which arises when you go to this place of external beauty is because it merely reflects the Grand Canyon, the beach or the sunset, that resides in your inner self. Search your mind, psyche and soul and find the warmest, most sensitive and relaxed part of yourself. That is the Grand Canyon, beach or sunset in you.

This feeling of wholeness and wholesomeness inside your psyche is there because the Grand canyon inside you represents and actually is your awareness of your highest and best attribute-your midda tova. Which one or two of the following is your highest midda-perseverance, never giving up, leadership, encouraging others, That is we we feel calm and expansive when we see a beautiful place…it mirrors our own beautiful place, inside. When we focus and contemplate this place-the place where our best attributes reside –the core of our real selves-then we experience shleimus. This is the real you. How so? Hashem is the only true Reality in the universe because He relies on no one-he is totally independent of any other cause. He is the First Cause (Rambam-Hilchos Yesodei Hatorah 1:1) and therefore is the only true independent Reality. Hashem blew part of His Independent Reality into you-when He created your neshama. Your neshama is a breath from Hashem-as neshama comes from the word neshima-breath. So the only REAL part of you is that part which reflects the true Reality-Hashem. What do we know about the reality that is Hashem? Only that which He has told us about Himself-that He is

Hashem, Hashem,Kel, Rachum, VChanun, Erech Apayim, Rav Chesed V’Emes, Notzer Chessed L’alaphim, Noseh Avon, Vaphesha, V’Chataah Vnakeih…..Shmos

That part of you which is your highest and best attribute –which is a reflection of Hashem’s attributes-is the real part of you. When you live these attributes then you are bringing G-d into the world through your bechirah-your free will. These attributes, when brought into human terms, are:

Hashem Hashem-consistency, never giving up, perseverance
Kel-Power and Leadership
Chanun-Graciousness, Empathy, Sincerity
Erech Apayim-Patient, Mellow, Laid Back
Rav Chessed-Loving-kindness
Nozer Chessed-Creativity with ideas, music, art
Noseh Avon Vaphesah VChataah-Forgiving nature
Nakei-Purity-the real overall reason you were sent into the world. (The discovery of this reason takes a lifetime so be patient)

When you contemplate, recognize and activate that attribute- the real part of your “self”, then you are truly alive-and that is why you feel shleimus. When you are in this state of being nothing can throw you off track-because you are connected with truth-you know the truth. Thus is what daas means-knowledge means connection-or chibur-to the truth.

You don’t believe it to be true-you know it is true.

In this state of being, doubts and “thinking” are irrelevant. Thoughts are merely electrical impulses form the brain-they are not real. Sometimes you have positive thoughts which lead to good feeling, good mood and positive sensations in your body. Sometimes we have anxious thoughts, which lead to tense feelings, a depressed mood and stress in your body. Thoughts fluctuate and cause our moods to fluctuate. These thoughts are part of the world of fantasy-they are not real. The way to avoid the mood swings brought on by fluctuating anxious thoughts is to leave your head space-leave your thoughts-and go to your neshama state. There, no thoughts are relevant-because you are connected to truth itself-to your G-dly self.

Yisroel Roll is an innovative psychotherapist and a lawyer who specializes in divorce mediation. He has seen and managed and facilitated both sides of the story: marriages that turn around and marriages that unravel. He has discovered the antidote to the 50% divorce rate and the untold emotional pain that it causes and shares his unique strategy in Shut Up and Stay Married-The Secret to Marriage Success, released by Leviathan in April, 2011.

Rabbi Roll began his career in Toronto, as a criminal defense and litigation lawyer. He took time off to study in Jerusalem and then served as the rabbi of the New West End Synagogue in London, England where he breathed new life into the community from 1991-1997. He founded the Encounter Conference in London in 1996 which attracted thousands to educational seminars. He returned to the US in 2000, received his Masters Degree in Clinical Counseling at Johns Hopkins University and opened a psychotherapy practice in marriage counseling. He has developed a unique counseling approach which breaks through to the core issue of the marriage very quickly and helps transform the marriage.

Rabbi Roll has psychotherapy offices in Lakewood, New Jersey, Baltimore, Maryland and Toronto, Ontario. His law practice is based in Toronto where he was called to the Ontario Bar as a Barrister and Solicitor in 1983. He has developed a new type of therapy called Identity Therapy which helps clients discover much more than self esteem. He helps them discover the “self.” Roll says, “Once a client discovers his or her true strengths and life mission, the marriage issues untangle and a solution strategy emerges.”

Rabbi Roll is a motivational speaker and lectures around the world on parenting, happiness and overcoming life’s challenges. His seminars and workshops are interactive and invites participants to introspect and discover their inner strengths, values and motivations. One seminar, called Step up to the Plate, uses baseball as a metaphor for life and helps people learn that they have already have the ability to hit a home run in the opportunity called life. Roll helps them discover their dormant abilities and helps them access their subconscious mind “which is the key to unlocking your potential,” says Roll.

Rabbi Roll has founded the Life Task Force which promotes L.I.F.E-Living Inspired and Fully Everyday. He has developed a 12 step program to achieve self esteem at and has developed 12 step programs for teens, a 7 week self esteem diet program and an anti drug abuse program called Just Say Know. “If you know your own worth and value, you’ll stop wanting to escape from life’s challenges,” says Roll. “You’ll be empowered to meet those challenges head on,” he adds.

Rabbi Yisroel Roll is a licensed experiential gestalt therapist who uses meditation and role playing to have clients experience life, rather than merely talk about the issues. “I facilitate a process where people encounter themselves. I help them face their fears and access their aspirations which often lie untapped and buried under layers of put- downs, negativity and emotional abuse. When we clear away the emotional pain, the true self emerges and the person is liberated. The client can them move toward self actualization,” says Roll.


Shut Up and Stay Married is Yisroel Roll’s fifth book. Here are some links to Rabbi Roll’s other books: and